ARIES: Energise your aura by rubbing up against somebody on the Central line. It’s like static electricity on a balloon. Believe me.
TAURUS: Your marriage is like a wonderful fairytale! At the end, you kill an ogre with an axe and get pots and pots of gold.
GEMINI: Before making any important business decisions this month, ask yourself if you’re using the same decision-making criteria that got you sent to prison in the first place.
CANCER: Your fitness regime is going well as you manage to squeeze in 10k before work, ‘k’ standing for ‘Kitkats’, obvs.
LEO: A potential career as a psychic is snuffed out, after you discover no, you can’t read minds. It’s just everyone in your life is sooooo predictable, it seemed like you could.
VIRGO: After spending months amassing evidence, rehearsing your arguments, and proving once and for all that it’s an invented nonsense to control people’s minds, you discover ‘brunch’ isn’t actually a religious festival at all.
LIBRA: This month your barista at Starbucks gets your name right and your order wrong, and you concede that yes, it was better the other way around.
SCORPIO: You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question?
SAGITTARIUS: It was probably a little cynical of you to have used such base tactics to get a husband. Then again, he doesn’t seem to mind.
CAPRICORN: You’ve been told that it’s socially acceptable to photograph what you had for dinner and stick it on Instagram. But the unfiltered photographs of you sobbing next to four empty cans of lager still aren’t getting many likes.
AQUARIUS: Happiness for you is God. Zilla.
PISCES: They said he was a dreamer. They called him creative, artistic, empathic and intuitive. But they forgot one thing: his anger. Coming soon, Pisces 2: The Reckoning.
For more from Sadie go to http://www.sadiekaye.tv and the Miss Adventure site: https://missadventurerthk.com
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