SAI KUNG BUZZ contributor China Watcher arranged exclusive access to the Trumpian White House and interviewed The Donald himself:
Dateline: Washington D.C., 1 November 2026.
CW: Good morning Mr. President and thank you for taking time to speak to the Sai Kung Buzz as you head into what appears to be a challenging mid – term election.
DT; My pleasure. I love the Buzz, you know, I read it often with my cheese burger. You don’t have many alternative facts but anyway I get those from Truth Social and Newsmax. Why don’t you join me on Airforce One sometime? The rest can’t come on my plane until they show me more respect, especially the foreign ones like the BBC. All elections are challenging, this is why we must restrict who can vote so only the right candidates are elected. If they are not then we will challenge every result and my Supreme Court will fix it.
CW; It’s been over two years since our last interview, just before you took office once again. It’s also been a very eventful, some would say tumultuous period. So, Mr. President, what has changed during this term, compared to your first now that you are back in the White House?
DT; Yes, I decided to shake things up a bit, to restore respect to the Presidency and the White House. First thing up was to get rid of sleepy Joe’s wife’s remnants, so boring and he should not have been there anyway. A splash of gold here and there demonstrates that we are entering a new golden age of economic growth and peace.
CW; I have noticed, sir, some would say it’s palatial. So you have settled back into a more active daily routine?
DT; Yes, but I still have to send out a few tweets at 3 am to rile the liberal media, then I send a good morning tweet to Melania. Not sure if she’s in D.C. or New York as I’m too busy dealing with my business, I mean running the country. There is a lot to do. We have barbarians at the gate coming over the border to eat our cats and dogs. I like cats and dogs.
CW; So business as usual then, but you are the first president in over 100 years not to have any pet in the White House, why is that?
DT; No time for that besides the last one kept biting the secret service. That is not good for morale. I’m also too busy to take them for walks, too many wars to stop to get my Nobel peace prize from Norway, I mean to make world peace.
CW; That is humane of you sir, but for the record, it is the Nobel board of trustees that awards the prizes, not Norway. Speaking of peace there are more wars going on now than before you took office. How are you addressing that?
DT; The King of Norway better get them to toe the line then unless they want 100% tariffs on their salmon. I get my morning briefing from ‘Whiskey Pete’, that’s the secret code name for my Secretary for War to find out how many gallons of military grade testosterone we have left and how the purging of wimpy DEI generals and admirals is going.
CW; That would be Secretary of Defense, Hegseth, Mr. President. I see you still have your sense of humor!
DT; Given the state of the world, with trade wars on top of shooting wars, someone has to have one.
CW: But your critics point out that you started the trade wars and at least one shooting war and have not fulfilled an electoral promise to end the war in Ukraine. What are your views on that?
DT: They’re missing the forest for the trees. I have stopped at least 8 wars, check out Truth Social, it’s all listed there. The special military action in the Persian Gulf is not a war. We are just ensuring freedom of navigation so our great U.S. navy can sail wherever they want.
CW; I see, whatever that action is called, some reports say that ammo is running low, is there any truth in that?
DT: Absolutely not, our great military industrial complex is working flat out to replenish that old stockpile. They were close to their use by date you know so may as well lob them at the mullahs. We have the biggest and shiniest weapons systems in the world. As I have often said, that action will end in two weeks as we have won already. Helps the Benjamins out too, I mean Israel. I like Israel.
CW: That is good to hear, sir. Our readers will be relieved to hear that this special action was not initiated by Israel. Now you are into your morning routine, what is next on your agenda?
DT; I need to get a quick update from Truth Social, Newsmax and Crypto Today and check the ratings…I mean polls.
CW; Many thanks, you mentioned polls. Most polls put you in the low 30’s, the lowest ever for a President at the mid – terms, what are your views on that?
DT; Left wing universities and newspapers, only speaking to losers. Look at the stock markets, all-time highs! They should speak to investors who understand that my positive trade policies are working to Make America Great Again. My smart tariffs are working to balance trade by screwing the Chinese, Mexicans, the Europeans and especially, those pesky Canadians who pretend to be so nice. I can see right through them. They don’t tip in restaurants you know, how about that, I mean it’s inhumane.
CW; I see sir, speaking of inhumanity we spoke last time about masked ICE agents bundling people into black vans, but now there have been several instances of agents shooting them. How do you respond to that?
DT; My Supreme Court agrees that taking tough action is legal. These are the best judges that money can buy and are always right nowadays. There have hardly been any illegals coming across our southern border, they have read what to expect so they may as well stay at home and be shot there. Of course, in any big operation a few mistakes can be made but it’s only a few dozen so a small price to pay to have a free America. I will make America free of criminal immigrants.
CW; You recently agreed to buy diesel from Russia to lower the price of truck fuel in the U.S. But the amount is less than a day’s use and will take weeks to get here. This was accompanied by your announcement that there would be a ceasefire of drone attacks by both countries against critical infrastructure. Russia launched a massive attack hours after your announcement. What do you think went wrong?
DT; Nothing went wrong, it was a great deal and is only the beginning. We will buy millions of tons from Russia as long as Zelensky does not blow up their export terminals. I told Elon to switch off Starlink there so they can’t target their drones, Ukraine’s that is, not Russia’s. That will lead to peace negotiations in the next two weeks and I will have stopped another war. Norway can’t ignore me then.
CW: Speaking of oil, sir, industry sources are grateful for your decision to remove President Maduro. Was that linked in any way with a deal to buy their oil?
DT: Venezuela was a failed state; I did them a favour by putting the drug smuggling Maduro clan on trial in my free and fair court where one of the judges I promoted will put them in jail for like, 50 years. We will rebuild their wrecked oil industry. Mobil – Exxon are already back there sorting it out. As you are mentioning our backyard, we will also sort Cuba out next.
CW; Thank you for that insight into foreign relations. As the leader of the western world, you are a target for terrorists. Your departure from Turkey in another plane with your personal aide, and other cabinet members left some of your staff in Air Force One as potential targets for terrorists. Do you think there was any link to your press secretary’s sudden resignation two days later?
DT: Karoline is very bright , but she has a young family so time to move on. My newest hire Isa great looker, I mean great at her job, she’s a lawyer you know . Lawyers are smart, I use a lot of lawyers in my work, I mean my company that is run by my two bright sons.
CW: Many thanks for that comment sire, I mean sir, but I note that less than two months after her resignation Ms. Levitt is now working for Fox News. I also note that her replacement failed the bar exam, but to move on. While we are on legal matters I read that Secretary Hegseth appeared to revel in proposing the first U.S. public execution in 90 years. Moreover, he wants to live stream it on TV. Do you think that is appropriate given only our enemies, such as Iran, have public executions?
DT: Fox News is going down the tubes, now even saying my ratings are at the lowest ever for a mid-term president. Newsmax is all over them with great alternative facts about my oversubscribed rallies, with lines hundreds of yards long to get in. Katie is a very bright girl. I am sure she will do a great job as press secretary for a very long time. I interviewed her personally in my private suite on Airforce One for over an hour. She made the grade. My loyal Secretary for War sometimes gets a bit carried away. I rethought the optics of someone in a wheelchair being shot by our own soldiers and figured it would not improve my ratings, I mean it may upset some kids. This terrorist will still be shot, but only in front of the families of his victims. We will give them a DVD to show their friends, so you will probably be able to see it on the internet, or on that detestable Kimmel show .
CW; Thank you, Mr. President for your candid insights into the day in the life of the leader of the free world.
DT; No, I thank you once again for not mentioning my dear, departed friend, Jeffrey. Only me – with support from decent media like Buzz – can Make America Great Again. God bless America. Isa, gimme another cheese burger.
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