ARIES: You suddenly realize how lonely you are when the introduction of strict social distancing measures involves you making no changes to your lifestyle at all.
TAURUS: What will you be doing for Easter? You really can’t decide. Will you be spending it in the living room or the bedroom? Decisions, decisions!
GEMINI: You’ve not been self-isolating so much as self-constipating thanks to the criminal shortage of toilet paper and your new talent for dry-swallowing Immodium.
CANCER: You keep trying to wake up and smell the coffee, but that’s the problem with Covid 19.
LEO: Have you tried switching it off, waiting 10 seconds, then switching it back on? To be honest, I’m no expert on ventilators.
VIRGO: In the absence of anything more thrilling to do, you’ve developed an unhealthy obsession with the bowel movements of your neighbour’s cat. You keep trying to catch it in the act of defecating on your lawn but unlike dogs, who shrug it off with a nonchalant ‘sh*t happens’ stare, cats it appears do not appreciate an audience.
LIBRA: Your dog’s separation anxiety has morphed into clinical depression at your stubborn refusal to leave the house, get dressed, or do anything except watch Tik Tok videos and drink window cleaning fluid.
SCORPIO: Keep your silky soft hands to yourself. When this apocalyptic nightmare is over, you think they’ll make you the world’s last remaining hand model. The rest of us will call you out as a super-spreader.
SAGITTARIUS: Your desire to go viral is out of sync with the times. That’s what the rest of us are trying to avoid.
CAPRICORN: For the first time in your life you’re pouring more alcohol on your hands than down your throat. It’s progress of a kind.
AQUARIUS: Your quest for a nice quiet place to take that all-important conference call from the building you used to consider ‘home’ but now consider ‘quarantine detention centre, cell 93G’, has yielded no results. Have you tried the airing cupboard?
PISCES: It turns out you’re quite a strict teacher. It’s only Day 2 of homeschooling in lockdown and you’ve already given your kid 56 detentions.
For more from Sadie go to http://www.sadiekaye.tv and the Miss Adventure site: https://missadventurerthk.com
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