The stars of “Priscilla Queen of the Desert” make a riotous return trip
The Best Medicine Festival has kicked off in the UK timed for the anniversary of the first lockdown. Hong Kong needs one, too, as we struggle through the worst pandemic for 100 years. Laughter is the best medicine. Here are some quotes to lighten the mood, starting with Hong Kong’s ever-popular Nury Vittachi:
Hong Kong humourist Nury Vittachi
NURY ON HONG KONG’S OBSESSION WITH MONEY: “I’m not asking much,” he said. “Only a miracle. Can you do this?” Wong looked down at the briefing papers in front of him for a moment. Then he looked Tambi in the eye. “Miracles we have 15 per cent surcharge. Is it OK?”
CANTONESE LOVE OF FOOD: “They will eat anything in the sky but aircraft, anything in the sea but submarines and anything with four legs but the table.”
DELIGHTS OF BOOZE: “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they get up in the morning that’s as good as they are going to feel all day.” — Frank Sinatra. “My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so I’m looking for a bar with a mirror.”
WINSTON CHURCHILL ON FOOD: “An apple a day keeps the doctor away. . . As long as you aim well.” And putting down a feisty woman: Lady Astor said, “Winston if you were my husband I’d poison your coffee.” Winston said, “Nancy, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
Oscar Wilde was close to peerless for wit
OSCAR WILDE was close to peerless for witty quotes: “Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable we have to alter it every six months.” And the great man, again: “Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.”
Quentin Crisp, one of the funniest personalities of his day
FOR THE GAYS: At an American immigration booth, Quentin Crisp was asked by an officer (it was decades ago): “Are you a practicing homosexual?” Crisp: “Of course not, I’m excellent at it.”
GAY BITCHINESS AS AN ARTFORM: In the show, “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert” Star Drag Queen Bernadette is having a go at a rival: “Why don’t you light your Tampon and blow your box apart? Because that, darling, is the only bang you’re ever going to get.”
ACID LINES: “I never forget a face but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
ARE YOU GOING BATTY? “The trick is not to let people know how really weird you are until it is too late for them to back out.”
Actor as Ignatius J Reilly
IGNATIUS J REILLY, hero of “A Confederacy of Dunces”, always has an apposite quote, which rings so true in 2021: “I am currently writing an indictment of my century. . .”
Nelson vs The Munich monster, according to The Telegraph. Winston Churchill saw a stray cat fighting off a huge dog. Churchill thought he was the bravest cat he had ever seen so named him, Nelson.
Laughter is good medicine, but so is kindness. Either way, giving or receiving, your spirits will be lifted. Here from Erik Larson’s marvelous new book, “The Splendid and The Vile”, is an example of the kindness of perhaps the greatest Briton, Winston Churchill:
It was the height of the Second World War with German bombs battering London. With Britain’s seat of Government seemingly under fire, prudence dictated a fresh retreat to Chequers. Cars and secretaries were marshaled. The usual convoy set off, moving slowly through rubble-strewn streets. A dozen or so miles out, Churchill abruptly asked,”Where’s Nelson?” Meaning of course the Downing St cat.
Nelson was not in the car; nor did he appear to be in any of the other vehicles.
Churchill ordered the driver to turn around and go back to No.10. There, a secretary cornered the terrified cat and trapped him under a waste basket.
With Nelson safely aboard, the cars resumed their journey.
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