No more sun downers as ‘The Dong’ shut at sundown!
Stunned inmates of Sai Kung’s legendary watering hole ‘The Dong’ have declared “the end of the world as we know it’’ with the announcement that the beloved sanctuary is closing from 6:00 pm on 25 March.
The cheery ‘general merchandise store’ beside Tai Wan Village bus stop will close at sundown from 25 March – 8 April as a precaution against the dreaded Corona Crisis.
Famed for 30 years, the iconic local institution has surprisingly become Sai Kung’s first victim of Hong Kong’s proposed ban on alcohol sales at bars and restaurants.
But despite being neither bar nor restaurant, ‘The Dong’ is living up to its derisory nickname of ‘sad café’, pioneering the extreme measures to enforce ‘social distancing’.
“We used to wonder why others called it ‘sad café’ but sadly this has now come true,” said the dysfunctional commune’s most cheerful regular and official spokesperson, ‘Captain’ Mike Turner.
“To be honest, I don’t know what we will do next, to be fair – even though I am in fact currently stranded in Australia by the Corona Crisis. I won’t lie to you, we’re all lost at sea at the moment, or should that be up in the air? In any event it’s a global human tragedy!”
According to a notice pinned outside ‘The Dong’, the emergency measure will mysteriously extend only for the next two weeks.
“I presume this timeline is based on the rather hopeful assumption that the global pandemic will be over by then,” said the community’s only resident millennial, James ‘Coffee King’ Muir.
“But I’m thinking….dude, really? Sometimes, in fact quite often, I wonder if this aging group really has any sane grasp of the reality of the outside world.
”For one thing, they wear face masks not over their mouths and noses, like normal people, but under their chins! Seemingly to more conveniently facilitate drinking, smoking and increasingly agitated discourse – while comically imagining they are responsibly adhering to social norms! What is that about? You tell me!”
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