The publication of these horoscopes for April was delayed by unforeseen circumstances. Apology
ARIES: It’s your birthday. Remember when we got a cake and blew over it? Man, we were wild!
TAURUS: You won’t be absolutely certain you like the changes in yourself, especially as you’ll appeal to a whole new group of people (dead people).
GEMINI: Data shows that we can get you to believe in anything as long as we preface it with “Data shows…”
CANCER: Cancer just started trending. Probably not a good thing.
LEO: You’ll continue to get away with your heinous crimes against humanity without suffering any consequences, although they will eventually get you for tax evasion.
VIRGO: Your ‘going out’ clothes have missed you so much! You put them on and they hug you so tightly you can barely move.
LIBRA: You will spend the weekend painting Disney characters in your kid’s bedroom. The only high point will be when somebody asks if you’ll have Aladdin and you say that no, you decided to do it yourself.
SCORPIO: This month you realize you always read your wife’s horoscopes first to find out what kind of day you’re going to have.
SAGITTARIUS: It’s been a rough month for everyone at your workplace. Try to lighten everyone’s burden a little with a friendly exchange of hostages.
CAPRICORN: Before you criticize Boris Johnson, try walking a mile in his clown shoes.
AQUARIUS: This will be a month of surprise after surprise, which will become tiresome after a few hours, terrifying after a few days, and unspeakable after that.
PISCES: Your big mouth will get you in a lot of trouble this month, though it will actually be your small jaw that’s to blame.
For more from Sadie go to http://www.sadiekaye.tv and the Miss Adventure site: https://missadventurerthk.com
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