The Writer’s Gauntlet with Sadie Kaye is a regular column at The Hooghly Review. This article is being reprinted with The Review’s permission.
SK: If a detective looked at your browser tabs right now, would they arrest you, call an exorcist, or buy you a weighted blanket?
KH: Can I say all three? Being a horror writer, I’m very often asking google (incognito, naturally) how much pressure would be required to slice through a femur with cheesewire, or for a breakdown of the chemical residues left over after suspected cases of spontaneous human combustion.
When you’re stuck on a scene, grappling for a metaphorical weapon, do you precision-strike like a sniper, or spray and pray like Trump?
I certainly try to be more precise. I know some folks love to marauder through the draft, to hell with the details and quality (polish that turd later, etc), but I just can’t do it. I’m a control freak in many aspects of life and this is another, so I’ll pore over it until I figure my way out of it.
What’s a word you’ve used in a draft that you definitely don’t know how to pronounce?
Various Arabic snippets in my novel, Shadow of the Hidden. I tried, but no.
Would you rather your protagonists sue you for emotional distress and gross negligence or be sentenced to life in a Happy Ending colony?
Emotional distress, please and thank you. I’m actually running an online writing workshop in the autumn about the art of removing control from your characters to intensify the horror they (and the reader) experience. Figure out what they’re like, then use their own characteristics against them!
Would you rather delete your favourite 5,000-word chapter or replace every instance of ‘said’ with ‘ejaculated’?
This question just makes me feel disappointed that I’ve yet to use the word ‘ejaculated’ in a published story, so I’ll go with the latter.
Are your characters named after ancient deities and celestial bodies, or did you just glance at a spice rack and decide ‘Cumin’ sounded heroic?
I set a lot of my stories in far flung locations, so among the tabs of ‘which civilisation was first to start using flaying as a torture method,’ I also have things like ‘popular Greek boys’ names in the 90s.’
If you could magically delete one trope from existence, which one are you throwing under the bus with zero regrets?
It was all a dream. Seriously, are we still doing this?
Do your protagonists guide you toward the light, or sit on your shoulder whispering, ‘Kill the mentor, kill the mentor’?
I find my protagonists are generally quite decent folk. But I have one WIP which I’m hoping to put out sometime next year, in which the protag is a self-proclaimed misanthrope. He’s been a delight to write because he’s such a wilfully shit human.
If your WIP characters were ghosts, would they help you find your keys or rearrange your furniture to match the mess in your head?
As my main WIP of the moment involves a psychic detective, he’d bloody better find my keys, or else he’s going to get roughed up by thugs a lot more often.
What font do you write in and why is it superior to everyone else’s?
I submit manuscripts in Times because … well … Shunn. But when I’m writing, I actually really like a blocky, chunky text, so I often reach for Posterama or a gothic.
Oxford Comma: Life-saving necessity or pretentious clutter?
I’m a later life convert to the Oxford comma, after fighting for the rebellion against a variety of editors for the best part of a decade. I’m sorry.
Plotter or Pantser?
I’m a planster. Write the set-up, set some milestones and then sit back and watch as the innocent protagonists and side characters fumble their way through the dark from one to the next. The ending is always a many-headed beast whose final identity I only discover as I write it.
What’s your writing ritual and why is it a cursed superstition?
I have a Poang chair from Ikea which is perfect for laptop writing position. I don’t need music or beverages, though a lap cat is a common addition and cause for all manner of contortionism.
One word that makes you go feral every time you see it misused?
Literally. It makes me literally sick.
Would you rather find a typo in the first sentence of your freshly published novel or the last?
The first, I suppose. I want the last sentence to be something they take away from the book and not because I fluffed my lines!
Would you rather your status on Submittable remain forever ‘received’ or ‘in-progress’?
‘Received’ at least offers no trace of optimism. Once it’s ‘in-progress’ I foolishly start imagining maybe this will be the time.
Which creature adds more joy to your world: butterflies or geckos?
I love the brevity of butterflies and the fact that they could not give a singular damn about it, still choosing to flit one way and the other at a leisurely pace. I’ll be dead by morning, but I’m still not hurrying is a great life philosophy.
If you could teleport, but only to places you’ve tripped and fallen, where are you tripping?
Philae temple, Aswan, Egypt. Stagnant Nile water is a great extra threat level for my tumbling.
What’s the last thing you researched that has probably put you on a government watchlist?
Security measures around the UK prime minister’s country house.
Drafting fuel: coffee, tea, liquor, Haribo or the tears of your antagonists?
Coffee in the morning, booze in the evening.
Are you a ruthless assassin or a sentimental hoarder on a kill your darlings scale?
Hack them all down. Okay, not all, but nearly all.
Stinky Books: old library vanilla or fresh-off-the-press chemicals?
Give me that sweet, sweet biblichor. Every. Single. Time.
Your author’s bio as a clickbait headline?
Bearded English teacher propagates socialism and pagan rituals
One word you’ve banned from your vocab because you’ve overused it?
Spin – some of my protagonists were like whirling dervishes.
‘Chaos Desk’ or ‘Aesthetic Nook’?
Minimalism is my happy place.
Would you prefer a 1-star review that says ‘This changed my life for the worse’ or a 3-star review that says ‘It was fine’?
1-star. I want to move people. If that’s to another county, so be it.
Are you an Ellipsis… (trailing off into mystery) or an Exclamation Point! (perpetually caffeinated and/or yelling)?
Keep it mysterious …
Would you rather commit bookish blasphemy by dog-earring the pages of a rare first edition or reading the ending of every book before you start chapter one?
I hate spoilers, so let’s turn those corners.
In a post-apocalyptic world, is your primary contribution navigating by the stars or knowing which snacks stay edible the longest?
Food is my god. I even know which flowers to munch in the desert. Trust me, I’m prepared.
If you had to turn into an animal for an hour every day, are you a Majestic Hawk (great view, very cold) or a Fat Housecat (great nap, very judged)?
As a staff member to three house cats, have to say, those chubbers have it pretty good.
What’s the most useless talent you possess that you humblebrag about?
I know almost limitless facts which have absolutely no purpose beyond pub quiz answers.
KEV HARRISON – YOU HAVE PASSED THE WRITERS GAUNTLET!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR WIT AND WRITERLY WISDOM!
Think you’ve got what it takes to ride The Writer’s Gauntlet? Email or (preferably) DM Sadie on IG @KayeSadie @TheHooghlyReview
Kev Harrison is a writer of dark fiction from the UK, living and working in Lisbon, Portugal where he resides with his partner in crime Ana and their three cat overlords. He’s previously lived in Turkey and Poland. His latest novel, Pyres, is a work of supernatural horror set in the new forest and is newly available via Northern Republic. His previous novel, Shadow of the Hidden, won the Independent Press Award for Horror 2025. He also has a short story collection and a couple of novellas.
https://substack.com/@kevharrisonfiction
https://www.instagram.com/mrevilkev/ @mrevilkev
https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B06ZZDY6G3/about
Sadie Kaye is a writer & performer from Sai Kung, Hong Kong. Her humour, fiction, rants & reviews have appeared in the South China Morning Post, Cha: An Asian Literary Journal, The Hooghly Review, Buzz & many anthologies. Her humour column for RTHK Radio 3, Sharp Pains, received nominations for Best Comedy from the New York Festivals Radio Awards and Moment of Comedy Gold from the International Women’s Podcast Awards in 2022 & 2023. She won the Comedy Women in Print Prize for Flash Fiction in 2024. She’s a producer for Contro Vento Films. Her most recent film, To Love A Narcissist, was released in North America on 19 May 2026 and will soon be available worldwide.
Her life motto is you’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
She can be found at https://sadiekaye.tv
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