ARIES: Jupiter says he has naked pictures of your mum. Are you going to take that off him? He says you can have twelve for the price of one because nobody wants them. Harsh.
TAURUS: So you mispronounced the word to indicate a witty response? Some people can be so touché.
GEMINI: Your foolproof Happy Valley betting system is based on whichever horse has most recently done a dump.
CANCER: Somebody broke the passenger window of your car and there’s a big steaming turd on the back seat. Which is probably what put them off stealing it.
LEO: Your online dating profile might attract more hits if it didn’t have that photo of you gelding that horse.
VIRGO: Seeing the concept of ‘Spring Break’ popularized in Hong Kong reminds you to book a trip to that assisted suicide clinic.
LIBRA: Your hospitalized grandmother is responding to treatment. Although the response is, “If anything, it’s making things worse.”
SCORPIO: You realize how badly named chopsticks are when you attempt to eat one using them.
SAGITTARIUS: You should really have two or three nights off the booze a week, but I’m not sure your 18-hour blackouts count.
CAPRICORN: Your tastes have matured from the days when you’d be happy with a glass of cheap, medium-sweet, generic white wine. These days you need at least three bottles of the stuff.
AQUARIUS: You’ve started taking a banana into work to help with your five a day. Plus you can always eat the banana afterwards.
PISCES: After spending the last ten years on the cabaret circuit, inserting doves into your rectum, your biggest fear is being pigeonholed.
For more from Sadie go to http://www.sadiekaye.tv and the Miss Adventure site: https://missadventurerthk.com
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