ARIES: Come the revolution, your mate will be first up against the wall. He’s a plasterer. Bullet holes.
TAURUS: That handyman you’ve been employing is really something. In the last three months he’s managed to fix your balcony doors, your leaky roof, and now your wife’s infertility.
GEMINI: If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with. And that, your honour, is why my client behaved the way he did on the bus to Mong Kok.
CANCER: Only by facing your fears can you overcome them. Unfortunately, your fear is of faces.
LEO: If you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, you probably know the same people I do.
VIRGO: Your drinking problem is brought into sharp focus when Watson’s Wine offers you 50 grand not to move to Singapore.
LIBRA: After catching yourself remarking on the weather, you plead temporary inanity.
SCORPIO: If you have to tell me how much weight you’ve lost, then I’m going to presume the amount is ‘still not enough’.
SAGITTARIUS: When sending back wine for being lacklustre or corked, ignore the waiter’s protests that he’s ‘actually a priest’.
CAPRICORN: Bolivian, 100% pure, with a street value of $200,000 per kg. The price of organic coffee is absolutely scandalous today, isn’t it?
AQUARIUS: The joy that a celebrity re-tweeted one of your comments will be tempered by the realisation that it’s utterly meaningless and one day everyone on the planet will be dead.
For more from Sadie go to http://www.sadiekaye.tv and the Miss Adventure site: https://missadventurerthk.com
Catch Sadie’s new audio column on RTHK Radio 3’s 123 Show from September!
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