Horrorshow! Beware The Durian Bus!

^{Kuala Lumpur bans durians on its public transport – isn’t it about time KMB did the same?}

It is out there. Be warned. The Durian Bus. Don’t get within 500 yards of it.

The Durian Bus works the 299 route around Sai Sha Rd. Or did. Horrorshow. It could be on any route now! Look out.

Mrs Mo made the mistake of riding the Durian Bus. Everyone on board was gagging, tissues or handkerchiefs held to their faces on top of masks. One man got off the DB near Sai Keng and promptly vomited. When Mrs Mo staggered home her face was alternating grey and green. She wobbled straight to the toilet.

^{A fruit for the connoisseurs; hell for the rest of us}

Some inconsiderate expletive had ridden the bus with a parcel of durian fruit. The aroma in the bus was like raw sewage or rotting flesh or smelly gym socks or rotten onions. Take your pick. Quotes about durian: “Eating the flesh was not much different from having to consume used surgical swabs.” “Its odour is best described as fresh pigshit, turpentine and onions, garnished with gym sock.” “It smells like a bunch of dead cats.” “Vomit-flavoured custard.” “Your breath will smell like you’ve been French kissing your dead grandmother. “

^{One of the side effects of Covid-19 is loss of smell. Helpful if you get near this vendor.}

Have you thought, what if it wasn’t a deranged fruit consumer? What if something deeper, darker, even supernatural is going on?

You have been warned. The Durian Bus is out there. Lurking near you. Maybe it is The Star newspaper’s infamous Jolly Green Ghost reincarnated as a bus!