ARIES: The publishers don’t believe you’re JK Rowling submitting an anonymous novel, mainly because it’s handwritten in green felt tip pen and only thirty-five pages long.
TAURUS: Money talks, giving you the shock of your life as you’re fumbling for change in 7-11.
GEMINI: Philip Larkin was bald, miserable, lived out a joyless existence in Hull for most of his life… and was a gloriously talented writer. So good luck finding fame and fortune with your blog about comic books…
CANCER: Cut the green wire. Or is it the blue wire? Blue? Yes, yes blue. Definitely blue! NO WAIT, is it green? Oh FFS, just buy a new kettle instead.
LEO: If you can’t afford to see the new Vin Diesel film, just draw a constipated grimace on a potato and shake it in front of your face shouting ‘BANG!’ occasionally.
VIRGO: Money, money, money. Must be funny, in a rich man’s world. Especially when they fish for tramps using 500-dollar bills as bait.
LIBRA: If life is a pie, and success is the crust, then your recent endeavors are… erm… the suet of effort and…. Okay, okay, I’ve not really though this one through.
SCORPIO: After buying a scratching post that keeps your cat off the furniture, you invest in a humping post that keeps your boyfriend off your sister.
SAGITTARIUS: You keep finding used needles in the communal stairwell of the gated community you live in. If you ever find out who’s knitting there, you’ll kill them!
CAPRICORN: If you think using spoonerisms is beneath you, then you must be a shining wit.
AQUARIUS: You’re a diamond in the rough – a worthless piece of charcoal.
PISCES: Visiting your hometown, everything seems so much smaller than you remember. Rest assured, this is only due to your catastrophic weight gain.
For more from Sadie go to http://www.sadiekaye.tv and the Miss Adventure site: https://missadventurerthk.com
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