Simon Roberts as a one-pip inspector
A highly entertaining read comes hot off the press from Blacksmith Books. “Hong Kong Beat” by Simon Roberts is the best police memoir we have had the pleasure of reading. If you’re a long time resident, if you’re living overseas and nostalgic for Hong Kong, or if you are new in this great city and want to learn about it, don’t miss this book.
Simon Roberts joined the Hong Kong Police Force in 1979, rising to detective superintendent, before resigning to take up a position in the private sector in 2002. While a police officer he kept a diary and in “Hong Kong Beat” he tells stories of sex, drugs, gambling, ghosts, drinking, rugby, overseas adventures — and even some police work.
To give you a flavour of the amusement and dark stuff in this book, we’ll pick out some anecdotes:
A senior superintendent who he calls Roger was a monumental drinker with two handsome Dobermans usually by his side. He had a favourite bar stool that he was attached to for many hours each day. He would drink until he fell off the bar stool, went to sleep or became, ahem, incontinent. As a senior officer he had his own police driver. One day so plastered he was zonked , Roger stumbled out of the bar, climbed into the back seat of the Land-Rover and ordered the driver to take him home. The vehicle did not move. Roger raised his voice, yelling at the driver. “You bloody well take me home or I’ll put you on a charge.” The poor driver emerged from a toilet to see Roger loudly remonstrating with one of his Dobermans. The big dog was sitting in the driver’s seat paws up on the steering wheel.
Leaving court where he had been prosecuting one day, Simon saw a crowd gathered on the pavement. He thought a fight was going on. In the middle of mob was a well-built Chinese man scruffily dressed. His white T-shirt was covered in blood. Simon wondered if he had been stabbed, but saw he was otherwise normal and addressing the crowd. In his right hand he was holding a snake. A live cobra held by the neck. It was more than four feet long and was wriggling furiously. The man put the snake’s head into his mouth. He twisted his head to the right, ripped with his jaws and spat. Blood sprayed everywhere. He had literally bitten the snake’s head off. On the ground, Simon saw three other snake heads. The man took a knife from his pocket and with the skill of a surgeon made an incision in the side of the snake. He pulled out part of the snake’s innards — later Simon realised it was the gall bladder — and dropped it into dark Chinese wine. He put the glass to his lips and downed it. Simon realised the guy was a salesman and his product was snake wine, regarded by many as an aphrodisiac.
In his book, Simon tells the story of Gary Alderdice, the New Zealander who fell in love with a Russian escort girl. It is a tale that still shocks today. Gary met the beautiful girl in Macau, fell for her and spent weeks living with her in the Westin Hotel. As a crown counsel, Gary was well off. The trouble was the girl, Natalaya, was controlled by a Russian gang of pimps. Gary decided he would rescue the girl. He took US$150,000 out of a bank in notes and travelled with Natalaya to Vladivostock. They arranged to meet the mobsters. Gary was shot through the eye, killed instantly. The girl was raped and murdered. The gangsters’ message was clear. Nobody gets away from us.
There is a lot in this book: John MacLennan, the homosexual police officer about to be visited by a special police unit that in those days investigated homosexuality, who shot himself allegedly in the stomach five times, committing suicide; “Big Spender”, perhaps Hong Kong’s most notorious criminal, who kidnapped Victor Li, son of Li Ka Shing, and Walter Kwok, billionaire family member of the Sun Hung Kai property empire; the sex trade gets a full description that will open the eyes of the well-behaved; Hong Kong’s biggest robbery; expat life; “rugby tours”to the red light districts of Bangkok and Angeles City; and more.
Let’s close this review with Simon’s account of the night the Union Jack was taken down for the last time in Hong Kong. “Shortly after midnight, as I wasn’t in the mood for partying, I took a taxi back to the ferry pier in Central. I boarded the Discovery Bay ferry from the old pier. I climbed the steps to the upper deck and went outside on the open deck at the stern. The rain was lashing down. The sky was black, the clouds were low and fireboats were spraying water out of their hoses, as if we needed more water. Many helicopters were hovering overhead, and there in front of me was the Royal Yacht Britannia. I could see Prince Charles, Chris Patten and his family waving to the crowds from the deck. Slowly the Britannia pulled away from the dock and headed for Lei Yue Mun channel. As it did so, the Discovery Bay ferry I was on, pulled away heading in the opposite direction. It was as if the two vessels were synchronised. As I watched this, the enormity of the situation suddenly hit me. It was truly the end of an era: 150 years of British rule had finished and was sailing away in front of me. I was overwhelmed by the finality of it all and I started to well up with tears. I stood alone on the outside upper deck leaning against the rail and cried.”
Simon was not alone crying that night of finality. Chris Patten, Lavender and their beautiful girls cried. This reviewer felt emotional too. Simon doesn’t mention that the Britannia had an escort ship, HMS Chatham. Earlier members of the HK Hash House Harriers had been drinking beer on the Chatham’s bridge — one of our members has admirable clout — as it was berthed behind the Britannia. We watched the ceremonies as an era ended from this unforgettable naval vantage point. Yes, the more emotional blokes had tears running down their cheeks.
Hong Kong Beat: True Stories From One of the Last British Police Officers in Colonial Hong Kong: Simon Roberts. Blacksmith Books Hong Kong. ISBN10 9887792810, ISBN13 9789887792819
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