It is one of the unfortunate facts of life that sometimes we have to deal with high-conflict personalities. Herr Trumpf is far away but here at home we have our very own HCPs. Personally I have had to deal with:
A fellow director of our restaurant company who was ego-maniac. The restaurant game can seem glamorous to the small-minded. This man was short, with a lot to prove. He had his own special table in each of our 10 restaurants.” My table, Gloria,” he would tell his secretary. When we opened a new restaurant he campaigned to have it named after himself. “Petersen’s, what could be better!” Just like Trump he wanted you to fluff his ego often and if you didn’t he’d launch a vengeful attack on you.
The neighbour from Hell. He was an abusive drunk who would hammer on our door threatening, “I’ll kill you.” Yes, that bad. It’s a wonder we never called the police. My wife and I were entertained when this expletive got his car stuck in a puddle after heavy rain.
A tattooed British Army veteran who is abusive to almost everyone sooner or later. Best avoided.
An airline pilot who could be very charming, sticking his tongue out coquettishly from the corner of his mouth, then suddenly turn on you and try to dominate with his high intellect.
The cartoon sums up narcissistic HCPs. It shows a bloke tied to a post with a firing squad switching off the safety catches on their rifles ready for the execution. The bloke says, “So we are all agreed. This is all about me me me me ME.”
Bill Eddy wrote a book about high-conflict personalities, “Five Types of People Who can Ruin Your Life“. “They can ruin your reputation, your self-esteem or your career. They can destroy your finances (Bloke 1 above nearly did) your physical health or your sanity. Some of them will kill you, if you give them the opportunity (Bloke 3 above).” Eddy categorises the five types of personality who can ruin your life:
NARCISSISTIC HCPs: “They can seem charming at first, but believe they are hugely superior to others. They insult, humiliate and lack empathy for their targets.” Trump falling out with Musk
BORDERLINE HCPs: They start out extremely friendly, but can suddenly shift to being extremely angry. They may seek revenge for minor or non-existent slights. Bloke 4 above.
ANTI-SOCIAL HCPs: “They can be extremely charismatic, but their charm is a cover for their drive to dominate others through lying, publicly humiliating people, even physically hurting others — in the worst cases murdering them.”
PARANOID HCPs: “They are deeply suspicious and fear betrayal. Imagining conspiracy against them, they will launch pre-emptive attacks.”
HISTRIONIC HCPs: “They can have dramatic and exciting personalities, telling wild stories (sometimes totally false). Over time they can be harmful and emotionally draining to those around them.”
Five Types of People who can Ruin Your Life: Bill Eddy; Penguin Publishing Group 2018; ISBN-10:‎ 9780143131366, ISBN-13: 978-0143131366
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