‘I’m going slightly mad’ — BUZZ seeks crackpotologist

^{Peter Cook as Sir Arthur Greeb-Streebling}

SAI KUNG BUZZ is looking for a crackpotologist.

Qualifications:

• You have seen The Sound of Music more than 10 times
• You filmed yourself for Tiktok standing on a stool in Man Yee Square singing, “I’m a little teapot, teapot, teapot . . .”
• You believe “reality is a crutch for those who can’t handle alcohol”
• Your age exceeds your IQ
• You are a devoted follower of Woo-Woo and a determined eradicator of sciency-sounding words and other bullshit like quantum
• You are three parts paranoid
• You are an honorary member of London’s Eccentric Club and proudly wear the Grand Order of the Water Rats
• Your favourite erotic fantasy is being beaten by Sybil Fawlty with an umbrella

As always it is not what you know but who you know. BUZZ will move you to the front of the queue for the Crackpotologist job if you can show connection to, or even better be a relative of:

Sir Arthur Greeb-Streebling

Sir Lumley Skeffington, the playwright who dreamed up the immortal Bombastes Furiso

Ancestors in the cemeteries of Braintree and Bocking in Essex: “What’s the difference between an Essex girl and the Old Kent Road? Not everybody’s been up the Old Kent Road.”

John Campbell, 2nd Earl of Breadalbane, an amusing eccentric known as “Old Rag”.

Henry Jennings, also known as “Dog Jennings”, who wrote “Observations on the Advantages of Attending an Elevated and Dry Situation”

Francis Edward Dec, the outsider writer, who was convinced malicious actors were transmitting thoughts into his head and penned such gems as the “Mad Deadly Worldwide Gangster Communist Computer God”

Donna Kossy who wrote “Kooks: a Guide to the Outer Limits of Human Belief”. One reviewer said she boldly blazes new trails in the vast intellectual wilderness of writers and thinkers who are completely nuts

Francis Egerton, 3rd Duke of Bridgewater, was a reclusive aristocrat who shunned other people but loved parties — so he threw lavish dinners for his dogs and cats

William John Cavendish-Scot-Bentinck, 5th Duke of Portland. This extreme eccentric figures in Bill Bryson’s hilarious book, “Notes from a Small Island”. The Duke was painfully shy and stinking rich. He required staff to communicate with him only with notes and had 15 miles of tunnels constructed under his house and garden so he could move around without being seen. Underground he had built an observatory, a library and a vast ballroom all painted in bright pink.

The Duke of Portland can’t be topped so we’ll stop with a quote from Basil Fawlty, “This is typical. Absolutely typical! Of the kind of arse I have to put up with from you people!”

Re applications for Buzz Crackpotologist see Page 94.